3 Difficult Conversations That All Leaders Must Have

During a recent client meeting, we talked about something that many new managers struggle with: conflict and difficult conversations.

This is something that many new managers struggle with, especially those that were promoted within their team. If this is you, you are not alone. For many, the solution is just to avoid it (70% of people avoid difficult conversations at work).

However, there is a real danger in doing so. That same study revealed the actual cost of avoiding those difficult conversations. Each conversation we avoid costs $7,500, more than seven work days, and an unquantifiable loss of productivity, trust and respect.

That is why it’s so important to have a strategy for navigating difficult conversations. As the leader of the team, you need to be able to address issues head-on and find ways to de-escalate potential conflicts quickly and effectively. This article will discuss why difficult conversations are essential, how to prepare for them, and the best strategies for productive discussions. So let's get started!

Why do we find it difficult?

Some of us are naturally more conflict-averse than others. We may be reluctant to bring up an issue, either because we fear the reaction of others or can't find the right words to express ourselves.

Even if we are more assertive, you may still feel some apprehension. After all, any difficult conversation will affect your team, and as their manager, you don't want to disappoint them.

These feelings are understandable, and approaching them with caution is not bad in and of itself. However, these conversations are inevitable and being able to handle them will make a big difference in how you lead your team.

Difficult Conversation #1: Performance Reviews

Performance reviews can be times when tensions run high. You may find it challenging to give feedback, and your team member may not respond well to it. Since their review may affect other areas, like compensation, the people on your team might approach them with anxiety.

Many of my clients struggle with giving feedback, especially during performance time. Here are just a few of my favourite tips to help

Give ongoing feedback.

One of the biggest mistakes I see managers make is to save all their feedback until review time. This tends to overwhelm both you and your team members, making it challenging to have a productive conversation.

Providing regular, timely feedback throughout the year is vital, not just during reviews. That way, there will be very few surprises when it comes to review time!

Stay curious

When going into your performance review, focus on suspending all assumptions, be curious and ask questions. For example, suppose someone on your team has been demonstrating some behaviour that needs to be addressed.

Instead of "You are X, Y, and Z" language, you could ask, "I've noticed this behaviour. What's happening for you?"

This gives them a chance to provide you with the context and insight you need to take any next steps. By understanding their dynamics, you can better address the issue and provide more relevant support.

Neutralize your emotions and motivations

This can be difficult to detect, especially if someone's behaviour disrupts our team. Before addressing the hard conversations, think about what’s motivating you and why you're having this conversation in the first place.

Try to neutralize your feelings and remember: even if you say something they do not want to hear, you are there to help that person.

Difficult Conversation #2: Passing on Feedback from Your Boss

Being a middle manager puts you in a tough spot. You are caught between leading your team and having to report to someone else, and that can be difficult when your boss has feedback about a member of your team.

Remember: this is not an exercise in relaying information. This is two separate two-way conversations: one with your manager and one with the person on your team. 

First, manage your conversations with your manager. If the feedback is “This person is X,” you need to ask more questions to get more clarity. Ask, “What have you noticed? What is it about the work product that concerns you?” Understanding their perspective is crucial before discussing it with your team member. 

When you have that second conversation, remember that your role is to support them. So instead of just giving the feedback, include a clear and actionable path going forward. Your team member should walk away and understand how to use that feedback and address the issue. 

Difficult Conversation #3: Mediating Conflict Between Employees

Sometimes, two members of your team don't get along. This can lead to a decrease in productivity and morale in the workplace. How can you mediate this conflict before it gets worse?

The tips above about providing feedback will help. Again, you're going to want to be curious. You can ask each party for their point of view. This will help you better understand the situation and identify root causes or underlying issues.

Once you have information from both sides, summarize what you have heard to ensure everyone is on the same page. Try not to focus on adjudicating the matter and determining “right or wrong.” Instead, focus on the impact that the conflict is having on the team overall and how the parties can move forward. Keeping an eye on the solution will also contribute to de-escalating the situation.

You don’t need to navigate difficult conversations alone!

The reality is that having difficult conversations is part of a manager's job. However, it's important to remember that you don't have to navigate them alone.

That is where we come in. At Base Pace Coaching, we can provide support and guidance to help you navigate difficult conversations. We understand that every situation and workplace is different, which is why our tailored programs are so helpful in moving forward and growing within your role.

We provide coaching around the best way for you to handle a situation, offer strategic advice, as well as guidance and clarity on how to move forward in these tricky situations.

Book your call today to learn more.